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Fwd: URGENT: re new matter: See attached. Response due Monday. Thx.
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| Lascivious violent menage | 09/18/24 |
| Lascivious violent menage | 10/11/24 |
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| Lascivious violent menage | 10/11/24 |
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: December 24th, 2021 11:39 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (Sent from my iPhone) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668665) |
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Date: June 23rd, 2022 4:04 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44729865) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:41 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage Got your voicemail.
I do think we need to substantively respond by Monday, not just issue a notice of representation letter and request an extension.
This particular opposing counsel would likely deny any extension requests, anyway. We go back and there is some "bad blood" between us.
My assistant will forward you the other materials momentarily before she leaves for the day (the office closes at 12 PM today for the holiday). Thanks. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:42 AM Author: lemon learning disabled stain (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668684) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:44 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage Oh, one more thing. Feel free to loop in first-year X on some initial research, heard he is slow. If so, please double-check the cited materials before proceeding drafting - between you and me, one partner commented that his research skills need improvement.
Good opportunity for you to improve delegating skills and to "bring someone up" in the Firm.
Thanks again. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:45 AM Author: lemon learning disabled stain Appreciate the advice. Will get right on this and circle back. Tkhanks (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668698) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:58 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage My assistant just reminded me via text that Plaintiffs' counsel served the attached discovery requests on our client three weeks ago. Answers and responses due next Friday.
I know you're tied up on research and the response, but plan to turn to this after emailing the initial draft response on or before Monday morning.
My assistant prepared the attached shell answers and responses, hopefully it helps.
Paralegal X (copied here) already requested info and docs from the client. I think she is also on PTO until Monday, so plan on reaching out to her Monday morning to see where she stored the client info/documents (I assume we've received some if not all of the documents??). If you could review the docs/info by Monday mid-day, I can review your draft email to the client requesting any outstanding info/docs.
I'd like the email to the client go out Monday COB (with our apologies on last minute request), so we are in position to answer and respond by next Friday.
I'm fine with indicating we need to supplement here or there, but this opposing counsel is difficult - we need to avoid giving her any opportunities to go to the Court.
Thanks. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:15 PM Author: Umber titillating nursing home Lol at this cunt opposing counsel being a woman (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668859) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:24 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Hi Associate X,
I know we've exchanged a bunch of emails today on this, but please acknowledge receipt of my suggested attack plan above.
I'd bump all deadlines forward a bit in light of the client's request for the draft response by this Sunday evening. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:35 PM Author: lemon learning disabled stain Sorry, I've been diligent in attacking this and neglected to acknowledge receipt of the above-mentioned. Reiterating that I did receive your suggested course of action and will follow up on all future messages in a timely fashion. Also acknowledging the updated deadline herein. I just need to cancel all holiday plans and notify the affected parties. Then I can drill down for a Sunday release.
Apologies again for the belated acknowledgment, and Happy Hanukah to you and your family,
Thanks
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:38 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage No worries at all. It's Christmas Eve. Please spend it with your family, after: (1) you figure out how to access the materials on my assistant's email account; and (2) we confirm junior associate Y can get started on the research ASAP.
Look forward to reading the rough draft Sunday morning! |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 7:02 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Hi Senior Associate X,
I know it's Christmas Eve, but please let me know where we stand on items 1 and 2 above. I know we had some Firmwide connectivity issues earlier today, but I received notification from IT that they have been resolved.
I'm eating dinner with the family from 7 until 8 PM, but can discuss any time after.
Thanks. |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 8:23 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage [marks priority email]
Senior Associate X,
It's almost 8:30 AM the following day, yet I still have not heard from you.
I am easygoing, but not without limits. This is a law business, not to mention our ethical duty to vigorously represent our clients.
Please call me today at your earliest convenience.
Thanks (and hope you managed to spend some time with the family yesterday evening or this morning).
Equity Partner
(sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 8:42 AM Author: Useless office (Senior Associate X's Mercedes-Benz E-Class finally runs out of gas. It had been idling in the garage ever since Senior Associate X's wife and children left for Christmas. The last thing she had told him was "Well, congratulations. You're missing your last Christmas with me. This settles it." Senior Associate X is in the driver's seat, lifeless, wearing his best Brooks Brothers Suit. Rigor mortis has set in completely now.) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43672573) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:31 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"Even Hell itself can't possibly be worse than this..." he whispers as he closes his eyes and listens to the low hum of the car.
Somewhere, a taxidermied monkey's paw twitches almost imperceptibly. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:45 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Senior Associate,
Are you having connectivity issues? I can't access emails on my iPhone. Sending this out regardless, hopefully not a crapshoot!
It occurs to me that the Firm might have scheduled Firmwide server maintenance in light of the holiday??
I know you plan to spend tonight with the family, so hopefully this doesn't impact you. I do think we need Junior Associate Y to get started on some research this afternoon, though. Any luck finding his cell?
(Sent on my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:02 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Following-up on this (and hope you receive it - sheesh, our Firm's IT infrastructure!)
(Sent on my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:28 PM Author: mind-boggling yellow property Brilliant.
"Also acknowledging the updated deadline herein. I just need to cancel all holiday plans and notify the affected parties. Then I can drill down for a Sunday release."
I also imagine release being suicide. |
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Date: November 12th, 2025 12:52 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49423274) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:19 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
(30 minutes later. now CC'ing Head of Human Resources and Chief Diversity Officer):
[Senior Associate],
Sorry -- As I was scrolling through my emails, I was reminded that it has been strongly recommended that we all strive to give our diverse associates (such as [X]) "a purposeful space for healing and rest" over the next few days, in light of the recent unfortunate verdict that was just returned by a Minneapolis jury finding former-Police Officer Kim Potter guilty of manslaughter (rather than murder) in the tragic on-duty shooting death of Daunte Wright. In light of that advice, which is certainly well taken, please don't email [X]. I believe [miserable 33 year old shrill midwit grinder goy shrew 3rd year Y] may have some bandwidth, but if not, let's save the "mentoring" for another time -- probably just as well, given that this client is very cost conscious, which I believe I previously mentioned. Thanks again, and thank you both as well for the important reminder on this, Shonda and LaTanye!
(Sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:30 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage *Head of Firm Human Resources chimes in*
Thanks for being so thoughtful, Equity Partner X.
We hate putting ANY of our hard-working and talented associates "out" for the holiday, but all things equal, the Firm strongly believes in retaining diverse talent.
And thanks Senior Associate for all your hard work!! Crazy that you've been with us 8 years now.
Have a blessed Christmas, all of you!!
-Shonda
(Sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:33 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
*Your hand hovers over the "Send" icon on an innocuous and sniveling "Thanks all, Happy Holidays!" reply for a solid 30 seconds, but ultimately you chicken out and don't fire it off because you're concerned about potentially offending someone who doesn't celebrate any holidays at this time of year, and you don't know if the Chief Diversity Officer -- who is a real battle axe -- might fit that bill* |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:37 PM Author: Useless office you finally settle on:
"Thanks all, enjoy the festive season and new year!
Sincerely,
Bobby Birdshit, Esq.
Senior Associate
Kike & Kike LLP
he/him |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:38 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
*You find it hard to concentrate for the next hour as a nagging voice in the back of your heads wonders where the "festive season" phrase might have crossed a line* |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:57 PM Author: Useless office *this nagging feeling you may have crossed the line persists for months. when you attend your monthly diversity seminar in january where a large black woman explains institutional white supremacy to you for the 100th time, you nervously wave at the diversity and inclusion head, trying to gauge if she has forgotten this past misstep* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669054) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:44 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage *the diversity and inclusion person's eyes go right past you, as if you never existed*
*and just after the monthly seminar closes, you try to approach diversity and inclusion head, but she's knee-deep in conversation with the Firm's Partner-in-Charge, so you walk out early not to bother them*
|
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:50 PM Author: Useless office Diversity and Inclusion head Shonda to Partner-in-Charge:
"Mmmmhmmm, nice to see Senior Associate X finally show up to one of these events. Despite them being highly encouraged. Although he didn't look particularly engaged.
Anyways, we received word back from Ibram X Kendi about speaking for us. His fee is $100,000.00, which is frankly a steal. He's has availability mid-March. I recommend we make this event mandatory." |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:51 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669600) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:23 PM Author: maize swollen stage hominid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669185) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:24 PM Author: galvanic elite voyeur national security agency Hits home way too hard
Once had a partner blow up a major holiday like this, they did absolutely 0 work on a massive project, deadline was right after the holiday, and I had to put in 50 or so hours over a three day weekend to get it up to speed.
Afterwards they pretended like it was nbd because he told me to loop in a notoriously shitty and slow 1st year who added next to nothing, blaming me for working too much: “You didn’t need to do this all yourself, you had X working with you, didn’t you? Shouldn’t have been that much work over the holiday.” Shitty associate also billed a bunch of hours but didn’t ease the workload at all, ofc. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:28 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669207) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:37 PM Author: galvanic elite voyeur national security agency Worst part was that the work wasn’t even our responsibility, co-counsel fucked up a joint filing and then partner volunteered our firm to do all of it last minute and dumped 100% on me while he went out of pocket for the long holiday weekend. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669244) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:39 PM Author: Useless office co-counsel really impressed with partner and will be sure to recommend him to clients in the future.
co-counsel has no idea who you are.
and the world keeps spinnin' |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:41 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669257) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:43 PM Author: galvanic elite voyeur national security agency (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669273) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:38 PM Author: mind-boggling yellow property Sorry. That might have been me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669246) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:45 AM Author: Walnut address (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668694) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:46 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage Did you receive the outstanding materials from my assistant? She told me yesterday she planned to work today, but I haven't heard or seen her at all this morning. Thanks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668702) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:50 AM Author: heady ocher scourge upon the earth “I’m going to kill myself soon. How would you like me to itemize that on our next billing report?” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668725) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:07 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Hi Associate X,
I received the email immediately below from your account. Did you send it. If so, did you mean to send it to me?
Regardless, our Firm offers free wellness programs. Search the Intranet.
Hope you stay well this season.
P.s. if you have any questions about the research or response as you're working through it, give me a ring.
(Sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:29 PM Author: Chrome Hairraiser Faggotry Casino "Regardless, our Firm offers free wellness programs. Search the Intranet."
jfc. . . |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 8:34 PM Author: flirting dragon hell 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680370) |
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Date: April 7th, 2022 8:41 PM Author: flirting dragon hell so good (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44299141) |
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Date: November 13th, 2025 8:25 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage ty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49428452) |
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Date: May 15th, 2022 12:55 PM Author: embarrassed to the bone lodge turdskin (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44515723) |
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Date: May 31st, 2022 5:25 PM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44604393) |
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Date: December 22nd, 2022 5:37 PM Author: supple dun messiness brunch (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45677844) |
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Date: December 23rd, 2022 6:54 AM Author: Provocative ceo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45680808) |
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Date: December 25th, 2022 7:00 AM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45689986) |
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Date: December 25th, 2022 1:03 PM Author: Aphrodisiac Emerald Church Building (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45690785) |
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Date: February 6th, 2023 2:41 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45895181) |
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Date: December 25th, 2023 3:48 PM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47211941) |
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Date: July 19th, 2024 8:28 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47868637) |
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Date: November 4th, 2024 9:09 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48279449) |
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Date: November 21st, 2024 2:08 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48363441) |
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Date: November 23rd, 2024 10:22 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48374119) |
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Date: November 13th, 2025 8:22 PM Author: Stirring Gunner (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49428447) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:49 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage Sorry for the email barrage.
I texted my assistant and she reminded me that she is using PTO today.
Client directly emailed all the materials to her account last night.
Any suggestions? I don't want to put this client out again on Christmas Eve, but know you need these documents to begin research and drafting. You might consider seeing if IT can access the materials from her account. Give me a call if you'd like to discuss. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:53 AM Author: Walnut address lmao, this is pretty good. only slightly-exaggerated as compared to some situations I've lived. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668741) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:02 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Any luck with IT? Did you loop in junior associate X yet?
I'm hitting the road in about an hour.
Thanks again. Johnny on the Spot!
(Sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:05 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Oh, and Happy Holidays!!
(Sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:11 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
I'm gay |
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Date: August 25th, 2022 7:59 AM Author: Amber Coldplay Fan JFC (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45067520) |
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Date: August 25th, 2022 10:11 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45067917) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:06 PM Author: Useless office Emails to Pradeep and Sanjay in IT have an autoresponse that they will be out until Monday. Any chance you could get your assistant to log in remotely to send me the docs? Haven't heard back from Junior yet. Wife and kids are heading off to my parents so I'll be out of pocket for about 30min while I see them off, I'll loop back with you before you hit the road. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668806) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:08 PM Author: rose gas station mother (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668825) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:09 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Thanks. Do we have junior's cell? Check our Intranet, I seem to recall there is a directory.
I haven't had to call IT in a minute, but don't we have 24/7 assistance? Again, check internal resources on this.
If you could give me another update before I hit the road at 1 PM, that would be fantastic.
Let's knock this one out of the park. Excited to work on this with you. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:12 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"Check our Intranet, I seem to recall there is a directory."
God fucking dammit. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:15 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Well, shoot. Change of plans.
Priya, our in-house counsel contact, just called my cell. She's flying out of the country effective Sunday evening and returns Tuesday, January 4. She didn't tell me where she's going but she was not shy to volunteer that she will have limited connectivity.
She asks if we could email her a draft response by Sunday, 5 PM, so she may review that evening and provide her comments.
Can you email me a draft by Sunday, 11:30 AM? I return to the city tomorrow evening, with church first thing Sunday morning, but have carved out all of Sunday early afternoon.
Thanks again for jumping on this. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:19 PM Author: Useless office *associate misses check in with partner because he's having a screaming match in the driveway with his wife and crying children about why he's not coming to his own parents house for christmas* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668889) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:21 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
*future ex-wife
*future estranged grown up children |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:27 PM Author: Useless office "i made sacrifices, but it was all worth it"
(service partner)
(will be unceremoniously fired during the next recession) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:37 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"And I mean, you can't beat the pay..."
*Ex-wife + kids will be taking 2/3 of your paycheck within three years through a bitter and expensive divorce and custody battle* |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:54 PM Author: Useless office "Plus the prestige and future opportunities."
*blissfully unaware that someday soon his resume will be in an hr shrews hopper for a single open in-house position along with 500 other identical resumes. his never to actually be seen with human eyes since he elected to self-identify as white* |
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Date: October 4th, 2022 6:29 AM Author: Amber Coldplay Fan toxic (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45276258) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:31 PM Author: Chrome Hairraiser Faggotry Casino lol, hilariously tragic. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674326) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:19 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"I return... with church first thing Sunday morning"
Come on man this is a bridge too far |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 2:51 PM Author: curious business firm son of senegal Biglaw partners go to “church” on Saturday (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43678768) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:16 PM Author: Umber titillating nursing home (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668866) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:17 PM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668877) |
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Date: October 20th, 2024 12:34 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48218185) |
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Date: November 18th, 2024 4:32 AM Author: Amber Coldplay Fan (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48351022) |
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Date: November 18th, 2024 10:50 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage :) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48354532) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:47 AM Author: cerebral lay main people Thanks, will do. Might be able to flip you a draft response today before you go offline for shabbat. Would that work? Will be difficult for me to focus on this over the weekend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668715) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:52 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage Unfortunately, this will not work (for several reasons). First, unless you know something more than me, the research on this alone will take 5-10 hours.
I've teed this up with the client, she understands. We need to put our best foot forward here.
And, regardless, I am hitting the road at 1 PM and to visit family upstate. Very spotty reception up there.
Take your time with this one. I'll review first thing Monday morning.
Thanks again. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:51 AM Author: Crystalline Volcanic Crater Please tell me this is satire.
If not let's put some real numbers to this.
How many BIGLAW lawyers are there in NYC?
% that will be working Today, Tomorrow, And / Or Sunday? |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:56 AM Author: Useless office (future of counsel) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668760) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:41 PM Author: mind-boggling yellow property (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669259) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:34 PM Author: Chrome Hairraiser Faggotry Casino (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674337) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:57 PM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674436) |
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Date: January 18th, 2022 9:02 AM Author: Stimulating Yarmulke Becky (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43802555) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:09 PM Author: Erotic grizzly newt Because of many customers taking time off for the December 25th Holiday and for NYE, the rest of this month needs to be treated as if it is the last day of the fiscal quarter, with key customer approvers realistically going out of pocket at any time.
While the customer has sworn to us that the 23rd would be the last day that anyone would be reachable, if we here back from them today we have to jump on it immediately.
In the very relaxed and chill world of corporate law, the December 25th Holiday is of course relaxed, and you only need to hop on line for minor and quick things, but the 24th and 26th need to be treated as high priority work days or we could lose major make-it-or-break it deals for End of Year.
But its exciting because some of these have very high visibility all the way up |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:17 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669421) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:35 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"for the December 25th holiday"
Fuck this gay Earth forever. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:37 PM Author: Useless office have a crazy kwanza, a happy hannukah, or however else you choose to celebrate this festive season! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669535) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 8:45 AM Author: flickering multi-billionaire senate is this work just as important as what surgeons do? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43672577) |
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Date: March 3rd, 2022 3:49 PM Author: Offensive station More! No surgeon has ever made a billion dollar mistake. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44077345) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 11:51 AM Author: rose gas station mother Incredibly disturbing thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668730) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:03 PM Author: soul-stirring sooty pervert chad thread needs a trigger warning (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668787) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:35 PM Author: Chrome Hairraiser Faggotry Casino (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674346) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:12 PM Author: splenetic site gaping This thread delivers (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668849) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:17 PM Author: Useless office delivers intense soul crushing ptsd on xmas eve (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668874) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:24 PM Author: splenetic site gaping Pitch perfect “nice” sociopath biglaw partner (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668903) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:32 PM Author: Useless office the ostensibly pleasant "aw shucks" attitude as he unleashes subtle negs and casually "requests" (i.e. tells you in a way ensuring you have know you have no other option other than to comply) unfathomably sociopathic and cruel things is just 100% spot on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668934) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:42 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"At least I don't have sex with men for money," the senior associate mutters to himself again and again throughout this email exchange. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:46 PM Author: Useless office (looks out window to see local well known shitlaw king from local TTT at bar at 1pm in santa hat handing out business cards and buying rounds)
"Heh. Loser." |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:24 PM Author: maize swollen stage hominid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669191) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:36 PM Author: Chrome Hairraiser Faggotry Casino Actually 180 biz development opportunity. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674353) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:18 PM Author: Charcoal ratface dilemma I fucking hate you guys. Merry Christmas! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668883) |
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Date: November 4th, 2024 10:11 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48279803) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:21 PM Author: painfully honest toilet seat insane thing about this thread is that its christmas eve, but a jew observing a regular shabbat this evening wouldnt get placed on this assignment (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668894) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:22 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
Haha yeah "insane" |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 3:36 PM Author: impressive market tattoo its downright meshuggah (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669783) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:32 PM Author: Aqua racy organic girlfriend There is way more direction and instruction by the partner in this thread than I ever received.
And LJL at a worthless assistant creating shells. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:34 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
*Shells are created using a state rather than federal pleading template, feature the wrong case number in the footer and an obvious typo within the case name, have noticeably incorrect margins which are a bitch to try and fix on the back end, and are basically totally worthless*
*You sigh audibly and decide to just create new ones from scratch, with the full knowledge that you will not be able to bill for any of that time because the partner believes that "the assistant has already done that"* |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:36 PM Author: Aqua racy organic girlfriend Cr. Have seen this many times by paralegals, some who even went to school for that shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668955) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:39 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43668977) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:42 PM Author: Useless office Hey LaShonda,
Just a heads up, these shells are for the wrong court and have the wrong case number. No biggie, just wanted to make you aware for the future. Hope you're enjoying your time off, see you next week!
(Autoreply)
"im out of office until monday because of christmas wishing you all a BLESSED christmas lashonda" |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:45 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
*LaShonda's gaudy email footer -- which is totally against firm protocol on several different levels -- features a gif of a winking black Santa loading up a pimped-out sleigh on chrome rims with 8 prancing reindeer in sunglasses dancing around, right beneath a picture of a staid manger scene (Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus are all notably bronze looking however) with "THA REASON 4 THA SEASON" written in glistening "frosted" 30 pt font beneath it*
*Closing the auto-reply email, that nagging voice in your head still haunts you with fears that the phrase "festive season" which you ultimately included in your response copying the CDO might be construed as being "over the line"... after all, you've just worked too damn hard over the last decade to be taking any chances at this point, with the prospect of a service partnership bump hopefully just a year or two away now...* |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:46 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669012) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:49 PM Author: Useless office *your eyes barely register the animated purple sparkles and glistening spinning rims, as all length correspondence between you and partner for the last month has featured this footer appearing 30 times* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669023) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:14 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669129) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:42 PM Author: slap-happy rehab (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674380) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:27 PM Author: maize swollen stage hominid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669204) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:49 PM Author: Blathering house philosopher-king whoa (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669302) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:56 PM Author: Navy balding boltzmann (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669336) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:00 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669352) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 11:02 PM Author: house-broken locus affirmative action (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680959) |
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Date: December 27th, 2021 1:07 AM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43681323) |
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Date: December 27th, 2021 11:44 AM Author: cyan crotch quadroon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43682737) |
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Date: April 7th, 2022 8:46 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44299160) |
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Date: May 31st, 2022 5:26 PM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44604400) |
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Date: August 25th, 2022 7:05 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45067428) |
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Date: October 5th, 2022 10:58 PM Author: Ebony Overrated Abode Karate (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45287603) |
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Date: October 26th, 2022 7:41 PM Author: Excitant box office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45393839) |
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Date: October 26th, 2022 7:42 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45393841) |
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Date: January 13th, 2023 5:41 AM Author: Amber Coldplay Fan JFC.... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45782344) |
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Date: November 20th, 2024 1:07 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48358945) |
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Date: July 31st, 2025 3:42 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49146076) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:45 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669008) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:50 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Hi Senior Associate X,
I'm LaShonda's assigned partner. She called me several minutes ago saying you contacted her off normal working hours and while she is on PTO.
Did you call her? The FLSA dictates when employees must be paid for cell phone use outside of work hours.
Please advise.
|
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Date: December 24th, 2021 12:51 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
And that'll be enough internet for today. Merry Christmas! |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:22 PM Author: deep silver kitty cat corner Wow a TBF tap out. Not sure I’ve ever seen that before. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669178) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:09 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
The Jews have finally won. Dark day.
PS: Let's be honest I'm still gonna megapost over Christmas.
PPS: Fuck niggers. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:19 PM Author: galvanic elite voyeur national security agency That was just the partner signing off after implying associate made a major fuck up violating labor laws and sinking his chances at breakfast in the future (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669430) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:19 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669436) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:26 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
MFCR gotta paper that file to continue to deny breakfast /fire at any time in the future "for cause". |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:40 PM Author: Chrome Hairraiser Faggotry Casino "Did you call her? The FLSA dictates when employees must be paid for cell phone use outside of work hours."
This is the best part.
Partner is asking a question as he is still performing a genuine inquiry, but then immediately reprimands you by telling you what the fucking legal penalty is. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:33 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Senior Associate,
Since you copied me on this email, I skimmed the shell. LaShonda got a nice start. But, as you point out, the shell contains state court information, we are in federal. We will need to revise the caption along with the general objections.
I'm more concerned that the shell appears to only contain 1/2 of the document requests. Not sure why this is.
Any luck with IT? We need to the entire fire, including the PDF of the discovery requests served on us several weeks ago. And then we will need to circle-back with the client to request any outstanding documents. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:37 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
(Subsequent email removing Shonda)
Also, please exercise discretion in the future re what internal correspondence you loop me into -- I should of course always be copied on all emails to the client / opposing counsel, but on purely internal matters like this, it's often not a good use of my time or the client's money to get me involved. I expect you to generally handle things like this after I pass them off to you, and I know that my faith in you is not misplaced! |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:45 PM Author: galvanic elite voyeur national security agency (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669571) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:45 PM Author: Useless office Heading out of cell range soon so I'll be out of pocket until Sunday. I trust you understand the urgency of this matter and what I expect. Although, as I just reminded you, please be mindful of how you use firm resources. The client is cost conscious. Did you ever get ahold of Junior Associate?
Have a Happy Holidays!
(sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:54 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Great news! My hometown upstate recently installed a new cell tower. I now have reception up here (still a bit spotty, but hey, beggers can't be choosers!). Better than nothing. Keep me in the loop this afternoon, evening, and tomorrow as you assign research and begin drafting.
(sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 3:01 PM Author: Useless office (after fifteen minutes with no response from Senior Associate X)
Hello? Are you working on this? Again, this is an urgent matter that I need you working on right now. Heading into the family's Christmas party now. Please update me whenever you manage to get started on this.
(sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 3:45 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"Heading into the family's Christmas party"
Brother you are doing God's work in this thread but this vile and preposterous anti-Christian slander has to stop. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 3:50 PM Author: Useless office op mainlining has already established partner as a goy. also you know that tons of biglol partners are wasp faggots. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669849) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 4:28 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"Robert L. Smith (born Morrie S. Goldbaum in Brooklyn, New York on September 4, 1950) is a former AUSA and senior litigation partner who currently serves as the 8th Chairman of Cohen & Cohen LLP, a prominent New York corporate defense firm founde..." |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 5:31 PM Author: Useless office Early Life:
Smith (born Morrie S. Goldbaum) was born in Brooklyn, New York, the son of Russian and German-born Jewish Parents. His father, Moeshe Goldbaum (died 1996), was a prominent Manhattan banker who immigrated from Russia is 1918. His mother, Sarah Rothchild (died 2002), immigrated from Germany in 1921, and was a distant relative of the Rothchild banking family. Robert L. Smith graduated from Yestiva University magna cum laude with a B.A. in Political Science in 1972. Afterwards, Smith graduated cum laude from Columbia University Law School. Before becoming an AUSA, Smith clerked for Phillip Goldstein on the...
[view history page on wikipedia reveals a contentious, 10-year long edit battle between user "ClaireBear180" and an unregistered IP address located in downtown Manhattan] |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 11:20 PM Author: violet kink-friendly generalized bond new version (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43681028) |
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Date: December 29th, 2021 12:43 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43694493) |
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Date: April 7th, 2022 8:47 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44299164) |
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Date: November 4th, 2024 9:10 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48279453) |
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Date: November 23rd, 2024 1:16 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48371527) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 7:17 PM Author: Federal trailer park lol @ not being able to bill for it. It all falls under drafting responses (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43670696) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 7:22 PM Author: Useless office Senior Associate X,
I'm looking at your time sheet for this. The amount of hours billed for "drafting responses" is not going to fly with this client. As I mentioned in prior correspondence, the client is very cost sensitive. We're going to have to shave a lot of your hours on this. This type of work is something that we should be delegated to firm staff, and I recommend you use them in the future. It's important that you learn how to delegate these tasks.
Thank,
Equity Partner |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 7:24 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43670720) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 9:26 PM Author: galvanic elite voyeur national security agency (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43671256) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:07 PM Author: slap-happy rehab (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674185) |
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Date: December 29th, 2021 12:43 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43694494) |
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Date: August 23rd, 2024 4:47 PM Author: Canary Trust Fund (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47999773) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:17 PM Author: ungodly swashbuckling institution alpha (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669142) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 1:20 PM Author: salmon hall sandwich bro all I want for christmas is to be a biglaw litigator (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669165) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:00 PM Author: white marvelous resort idiot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669355) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:04 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Senior Associate X,
One more thought. You might reach out to Adolf for his view on the big picture on this one. Several years ago, he went to trial on a very similar case.
Tell him to bill his time. He usually stays local for the holidays, so he should get back to you quickly. |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:11 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
"Thanks, Larry. Funny, great minds -- I was just thinking of Adolf myself ;)" |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:16 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage He's one of our best.
After we push out the response, remind me to tell you about the time Adolf and I went to NOLA for doc review on asbestos litigation back in the '90s. Let's just say things got a bit wild one night.
In all seriousness, thanks again for jumping on this. This client told me earlier today that she plans to send more work our way. This is a great opportunity for you to get client interaction. I won't practice forever! |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:27 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
I'll hold you to that -- sounds like a gas! |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 4:25 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Any luck getting in touch with Adolf? Eager for you to convey his "take" on all this to me.
(Sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 6:44 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage ??
(Sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 6:56 PM Author: galvanic elite voyeur national security agency This is unacceptable. Please call my cell asap. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43670620) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:51 PM Author: submissive principal's office this might be my favorite thread of all time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669602) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 2:52 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669609) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 3:25 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
(Senior Equity Partner Morty Goldman) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 4:01 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Happy to help spread Christmas Drear! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43669909) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 4:39 PM Author: chest-beating police squad parlour Lmfao what the duck is wrong with you guys larping this on Xmas eve (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43670064) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 4:40 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (Of Counsel) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43670072) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 5:33 PM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43670353) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 8:40 AM Author: white marvelous resort idiot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43672571) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 2:59 PM Author: slap-happy rehab (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674162) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 4:04 PM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43679080) |
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Date: December 24th, 2021 7:34 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage This will go down as a special moment in BIGLAW horror-threading/LARPing.
I see it as XO's official "Christmas Eve" special.
|
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Date: December 24th, 2021 7:37 PM Author: Useless office Senior Associate X,
I'm finishing up dinner now and haven't received word from you in since the early afternoon. Starting to get worried. Please call me ASAP.
Equity Partner
(sent from my iPhone) |
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Date: September 27th, 2022 5:18 PM Author: Amber Coldplay Fan It is now 8:30pm. I have called you three times in the last 30 minutes and you have not called me back. It is extremely important that you call me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45240215) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 8:40 AM Author: white marvelous resort idiot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43672572) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 8:46 AM Author: flickering multi-billionaire senate i wonder if a lot of people would actually turn down law school if they saw a thread like this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43672579) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 9:11 AM Author: Useless office "it can't be as bad as they say"
"they're just a bunch of poli-sci shitheads that are allergic to work"
"if it's really that bad, i'll lateral in a couple years after paying off my loans" |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 9:13 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43672648) |
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Date: April 7th, 2022 8:48 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44299169) |
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Date: January 13th, 2023 5:43 AM Author: Coiffed turquoise haunted graveyard feces XO used to talk people out of LS all the time when aspiring law students actually ventured here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45782352) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 8:39 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage [priority email]
Hi Associate Y,
Apologies for the Christmas morning interruption. Senior Associate X should have reached out to you yesterday afternoon about some emergency research we need this weekend, but oddly, I have not yet received confirmation from him that you two connected.
Please confirm you that you spoke with him yesterday about this project, and please confirm that you will provide the research to him this weekend.
We have a draft response due to the client tomorrow late afternoon (before she heads out of the country), and he promised me an initial draft of the brief mid-day tomorrow.
It's been a minute since I've researched the salient issues, but suspect this response brief will require several hours of research, at minimum, so want to make sure you're entirely in the loop, sooner than later.
I appreciate your willingness to jump on this research assignment over a holiday weekend. It's not normally like this here - our Firm values work-life balance. I recommend that you take some time off around New Year's to make up for this.
I hope first-year is going well!
Thanks,
Equity Partner
(Sent on my iPhone) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 9:09 AM Author: Useless office [First Year Y glares at the screen excitedly. He feels like a minor league player that is getting called up to the big leagues. He's finally getting the chance to prove himself. Taking Equity Partner at his word that the brief will require "several hours of research", and assuming, naively, that no one would be so cruel as to casually dump an assignment that will require working completely through Christmas day and an all-nighter, First Year Y shoots off a quick text to his mother]
"Hey Mom, just got a rush assignment from work. I don't think I'll be late to lunch at 1, just wanted to give you a heads up. (told you they work you hard at these big firms!) Merry Xmas Love You"
Good morning and merry Christmas Mr. Equity Partner,
Senior Associate X did not reach out to me. I will call and text him, but if you're not getting any response I doubt I will.
No worries about the morning interruption, I'm eager to step up to the plate! Is there anyone else I can reach out to or can you bring me up to speed?
Sincerely,
First Year Y |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 9:16 AM Author: up-to-no-good circlehead roommate Wow....
Literally first poast that gave me the chills |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 9:17 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage 180 poast, got so much right:
"Mr. Equity Partner" |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 9:16 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage First Year Y,
Thank you for the quick response. Noted and appreciated.
I will let Senior Associate X get you up to speed (copied here). He is closer to the file, including the documents, all of which include lots of Company "jargon" that he will need to walk you through so you fully grasp the research issues.
If you have any questions after connecting with him, shoot me an email.
(Sent from my iPhone)
|
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:01 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
Forgot the "Please don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything else that I can help with!" |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:04 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
*Equity Partner scans the email on his iPhone as, Terminator-style, his evil reptilian kike brain keys in on all critical aspects of the message and instantly formulates the following firm and comprehensive assessment:
- "merry" not capitalized = lacks attention to detail, potential source of liability, do not trust
- Use of "merry (sic) Christmas" as a greeting in the first place = both naive and culturally insensitive, additional potential source of liability, strike two red alert danger danger
Conclusion: This particular junior will be tasked exclusively with the worst nonsubstantive gruntwork, actively run into the ground, eventually counseled off of the case as soon as a better junior becomes available, and thereafter bad-mouthed to fellow partners whenever the opportunity organically arises -- and there is absolutely nothing that they can say or do moving forward to substantially change this assessment/fate*
Response:
"Thanks so much First Year Y, I really appreciate the 'can do' attitude -- welcome to the team!" |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:06 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage 1 fucking 80 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674184) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:11 PM Author: submissive principal's office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674205) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:12 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674210) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:29 PM Author: Useless office (first year Y is now two hours and five bourbon infused eggnogs into his family's Christmas luncheon. Having not heard from Senior Associate X or Equity Partner regarding what his task is, and being unsure of whether he should repeat his ask for instructions from equity partner, he has gravely misunderstood the urgency of this matter, the amount of work it will require, and the precarious situation he's in now. Additionally, he has confused the partners casual and friendly tone as having established some genuine rapport. Spurned on by his naivety, obliviousness, and growing intoxication, he shoots off the following email to equity partner)
Hey (partners first name),
Still haven't heard from Senior Associate X. Eager to get started on this. I'm at my family's Xmas party right now so I might be "out of pocket" at times. Please lmk what I can do to help with this.
Cheers, (first years first name) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:31 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage !!!!!!! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674323) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:33 PM Author: slap-happy rehab To be fair,
Jesus fucking Christ "lmk"
"PS ty again for the opportunity, no cap lol" |
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Date: July 31st, 2025 3:41 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49146074) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 4:00 PM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon Really nailing it here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674454) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 4:57 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674783) |
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Date: July 31st, 2025 3:42 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49146075) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 2:42 PM Author: rose gas station mother Jfc this guy may not make it to the end of the year (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43678746) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 8:49 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680463) |
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Date: May 31st, 2022 5:27 PM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44604405) |
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Date: February 7th, 2023 11:15 AM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45899088) |
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Date: November 20th, 2024 10:15 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48359661) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 2:55 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674140) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:04 PM Author: demanding aquamarine sneaky criminal High level mental illness on display ITT (which includes the creators, their inspiration, society and those of us taking the time to read it).
Going to kill myself now. |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 3:23 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674274) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 4:00 PM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43674459) |
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Date: April 7th, 2022 8:50 PM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44299182) |
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Date: May 15th, 2022 12:54 PM Author: fear-inspiring trip spot death wish (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44515719) |
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Date: February 7th, 2023 11:16 AM Author: flirting dragon hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45899089) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 6:21 PM Author: yapping puce garrison i left biglaw 3 years ago and never did litigation. reading this last night still literally gave me nightmares all night. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43675118) |
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Date: December 25th, 2021 7:45 PM Author: flickering multi-billionaire senate lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43675428) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 3:22 PM Author: adventurous copper public bath electric furnace This deserves some kind of thread of the year award (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43678913) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 8:16 PM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680272) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 9:41 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680707) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 9:48 PM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680735) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 5:15 PM Author: Chrome Hairraiser Faggotry Casino Wasn't the draft due to the Client around this time before her flight?
Where are we on this? |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 9:41 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680708) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 9:47 PM Author: Useless office it's open ended. people make up their own conclusions on how this all played out.
i like to think equity partner was sending out emails on saturday night with no response, only to find out that his cellular data got turned off. when he got back into range all his queued emails were sent simultanously. first year got 100 emails from equity partner suddenly and freaked the fuck out, not knowing what to do. then Senior Associate X's body is discovered, and equity partner uses this convenient deus ex machina to explain what the project wasn't completed.
turns out this was a low priority for the client anyway and she's off to cancun until 1/7. |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 10:49 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680902) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 11:09 PM Author: ungodly swashbuckling institution alpha (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43680977) |
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Date: December 27th, 2021 12:47 AM Author: saffron native "then Senior Associate X's body is discovered"
Can IT access the materials that were in his e-mail since he'll be unavailable???
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Date: April 7th, 2022 8:51 PM Author: flirting dragon hell 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44299186) |
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Date: May 15th, 2022 1:02 PM Author: embarrassed to the bone lodge turdskin (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44515757) |
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Date: December 26th, 2021 11:27 PM Author: house-broken locus affirmative action this pretty much played out in real life for me this year. have had a horrible december workwise. battled hard to wrap up work so that I could get a 2-3 day break. wife is close to leaving me right now because of work. even got a court order granting two motions I wrote this week so figured I was in the clear.
i get an email at 6 PM on thursday night (12/23) from Jewish equity partner (I am a non-equity partner) while at family Christmas party. "Where is draft of X?" "uh, there isn't a deadline for X now that the Court granted our motion" "I don't care, I expected a draft this morning" "well, I'm out of pocket for the next hour. I'll get you the draft tonight" [haven't even assessed X to know if this is possible] "well, I'd like some family time the next two days too." [hanukkah ended three weeks ago, Mort]
fortunately X was pretty easy and I got a nice email from Mort at 10 AM on Christmas Eve copying the whole team saying "Nice job on this." I then worked until 5 PM on Christmas Eve getting signoff from everyone on our team and conferring with opposing.
I did not work on Christmas itself but billed 2 hours today on the aftermath. |
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Date: December 27th, 2021 12:26 AM Author: Concupiscible Low-t Sex Offender Got pulling 500k+ at least? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43681216) |
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Date: December 27th, 2021 12:28 AM Author: house-broken locus affirmative action indeed (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43681223) |
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Date: December 27th, 2021 1:07 AM Author: heady ocher scourge upon the earth You could save a million dollars after a few years and just go fuck around like Tommy Don’t feel terribly bad for you |
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Date: December 27th, 2021 1:14 AM Author: Floppy keepsake machete tanning salon That's not really how it works. Many of these people have families and live in a high COL area. It is entirely plausible that after massive taxes, the house, the massive property taxes, kids, and on and on, he's barely coming out ahead.
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Date: December 27th, 2021 1:17 AM Author: adventurous copper public bath electric furnace (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43681345) |
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Date: August 25th, 2022 9:45 AM Author: Razzle-dazzle chapel fortuitous meteor Still his fault No need to live in a high COL area Lower salary= no massive taxes House? See above re high COL area-- sell house for a small fortune, move, get nicer house kids-- more time at home, wife can help with childcare |
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Date: January 12th, 2022 2:01 PM Author: splenetic site gaping 50% tax rate, and plenty of expenses. With luck, maybe save 150k-200k/yr. It will take a fair amount of time before that gets you to financial independence. |
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Date: December 27th, 2021 12:47 AM Author: cyan crotch quadroon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43681290) |
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Date: December 28th, 2021 3:35 PM Author: impressive market tattoo this thread is like setting off M-80s at night in a Fallujah vet's backyard (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43690075) |
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Date: December 28th, 2021 3:37 PM Author: Useless office as a participant i felt like it was more like group ptsd therapy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#43690085) |
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Date: November 4th, 2024 9:03 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage My brothers of the Written Word! I would rather fight beside you than any army of thousands! For we have seen the darkness, and overcome it, whether or not Wesley tried to take us down (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48279410) |
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I pushed back/refused hard on 2 during my last 6 months and am forever grateful that I did so. |
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Date: March 3rd, 2022 3:39 PM Author: Know-it-all meetinghouse clown Hey guys, just got back from vacation. Ready to pitch in if there's some more to be done on this matter! Thanks for covering. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44077287) |
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Date: May 31st, 2022 5:23 PM Author: Smoky exhilarant temple background story Threads like this remind me why I left biglaw for solo and why I'm happy now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44604382) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2022 7:40 PM Author: Brindle Beady-eyed Mad-dog Skullcap Old Irish Cottage I have never done BIGLAW and this thread gave me PTSD (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#44954297) |
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Date: August 25th, 2022 9:12 AM Author: Concupiscible Low-t Sex Offender Please turn off your out of office email. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45067731) |
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Date: October 5th, 2022 10:46 PM Author: supple dun messiness brunch Everyone ready for a festive holiday season? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45287542) |
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Date: December 16th, 2022 12:19 PM Author: Amethyst internal respiration sanctuary Why not just push back hard? Flat out refuse during Christmas week or when you don’t find the work interesting.
Choose when you want to be fully engaged and give it 12 hour work days. |
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Date: December 16th, 2022 12:24 PM Author: brilliant boyish ticket booth regret Wow can’t believe no one’s ever thought of that before (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45642950) |
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Date: December 24th, 2022 11:00 PM Author: Useless office [11pm on Christmas Eve and Second Year Associate Y powers down his laptop. He'll have to hop on first thing in the morning and bang out some work if he hopes to make it to his family's Christmas party. Wow, has it been a whole year? Everything seems like a blur. He's barely seen them at all since last year's Christmas party. He looks out of his Dumbo apartment window at the Manhattan skyline. The winter solstice has passed. Maybe in a few more months he'll be able to go outside in the daylight again. But man, the view. It's all worth it he thinks to himself. He's made it.] (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45689248) |
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Date: December 25th, 2022 1:43 PM Author: Chestnut odious base Lawyer-wasting-his-life poasting is my favorite niche subgenre on this board. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45690927) |
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Date: December 25th, 2022 1:45 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45690932) |
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Date: December 25th, 2022 1:14 PM Author: Aphrodisiac Emerald Church Building this is the first non-robotic non-glitchout original content i have seen from TBF since last year (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45690831) |
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Date: January 9th, 2023 5:15 AM Author: Amber Coldplay Fan WHERE ARE WE ON THIS? I need to send to the client by 9:30am before my flight takes off!!!!
Send me what you have now ASAP! and cc' (non-equity partner Putz) |
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Date: January 9th, 2023 10:41 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45763283) |
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Date: February 7th, 2023 8:17 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage Where are we on this? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45898436) |
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Date: February 28th, 2023 9:52 PM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#45995056) |
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Date: December 23rd, 2023 4:10 PM Author: slap-happy rehab (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47206558) |
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Date: December 23rd, 2023 5:41 PM Author: apoplectic space reading party (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47206897) |
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Date: December 25th, 2023 10:00 AM Author: Useless office [10am on Christmas Morning and Third Year Associate Y powers down his laptop. Internally he bitterly mutters “Why am I editing LaTonya’s motion? She’s a third year too! This piece of shit was full of grammatical errors and incorrect citations! I’ve been up all night making this turd presentable. Why is she doing the first draft and presenting it?! It’s almost as if I’m being tasked exclusively with the worst nonsubstantive grunt work and being actively run into the… FUCK.” He instinctively pops another Xanax and the anxiety begins to subside. It’s been increasingly difficult to suppress these intrusive thoughts. His phone vibrates. His eyes do not even register the unanswered text from his mother asking if he’ll make it to Christmas this afternoon – they are instinctively drawn to the text from Equity Partner. He sighs, opens his laptop lid again, and pops a 30mg Adderall as Citrix loads. His view of the Manhattan skyline is now mostly obscured by a large pile of documents. But it’ll all be worth it, he thinks to himself. He’s made it.] (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47211192) |
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Date: December 25th, 2023 10:02 AM Author: apoplectic space reading party (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47211197) |
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Date: December 25th, 2023 6:49 PM Author: slap-happy rehab (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47212329) |
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Date: January 10th, 2024 8:43 AM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47270799) |
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Date: December 25th, 2025 1:15 PM Author: Massive misanthropic stead (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49539255) |
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Date: December 25th, 2025 5:54 PM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49539580) |
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Date: December 25th, 2023 10:06 AM Author: translucent piazza famous landscape painting JFC, ZOZO (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47211213) |
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Date: December 28th, 2023 2:43 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47221641) |
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Date: December 28th, 2023 6:06 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47224255) |
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Date: December 28th, 2023 6:11 PM Author: Cheese-eating brass pit Happy New Year’s Eve!
I’m sure you’re up waiting for the ball to drop in a few minutes, so please make sure we get a conflict check on the attached new matter & start working on a response. I’ll touch base again tomorrow AM. |
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Date: December 31st, 2023 4:28 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Will do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47234079) |
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Date: January 1st, 2024 12:26 AM Author: Massive misanthropic stead (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47235449) |
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Date: December 31st, 2023 4:46 PM Author: house-broken locus affirmative action this is less funny now that I'm the partner and actually do need a response by tomorrow (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47234131) |
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Date: January 1st, 2024 12:16 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47235396) |
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Date: July 21st, 2024 6:28 AM Author: Canary Trust Fund (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47873029) |
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Date: July 19th, 2024 8:26 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Where are we on....everything? Teewinot included. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47868629) |
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Date: July 20th, 2024 1:05 PM Author: Useless office re: Regarding your upcoming July out of office time (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#47870412) |
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Date: September 18th, 2024 8:38 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48102942) |
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Date: October 11th, 2024 7:57 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48188651) |
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Date: September 18th, 2024 8:39 AM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48102943) |
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Date: October 11th, 2024 7:03 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48188501) |
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Date: October 11th, 2024 7:07 PM Author: bat shit crazy range halford Checking to confirm you received the email. Any first impressions?
What is your availability to discuss Monday morning? Client is based in London so let's please plan to be available 7 or 8am on Monday. Thanks. |
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Date: October 11th, 2024 7:44 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage Hi Partner X,
I'm just finishing Christmas Eve dinner with my family. It should wrap up at my parents house around 9:00 PM EST. The drive home takes about 30 minutes, and then I’ll put the kids to bed before reviewing the email you mentioned. I’ll make sure to respond tonight, in the spirit of Christmas.
And, yes, I’ll be there Monday at 7 AM sharp — if not in body, certainly in spirit.
Thank.
-Mainlining |
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Date: October 11th, 2024 11:16 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48189105) |
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Date: October 11th, 2024 7:35 PM Author: Lascivious violent menage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#48188582) |
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Date: July 29th, 2025 2:08 PM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49140568) |
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Date: August 6th, 2025 12:05 AM Author: Slippery motley set RE: re: re: FWD: re: BTW! this is non-billable. bill to business development for now! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49160819) |
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Date: December 25th, 2025 9:40 AM Author: Useless office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4992715&forum_id=2#49538995) |